Category Archives: Forwarded Emails

BALIKBAYAN BOX: The Extreme Version

Narito ang isang lumang joke na pinagpasa-pasahan namin sa email nung hindi pa uso ang Facebook. Dumaan na ito sa iba’t ibang version pero makikita pa rin dito ang paglalarawan sa Balikbayan Culture ng mga Pilipino.

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Balikbayan Box
Author: Unknown

balikbayan box

Registered nurse si Maria sa States. Kasama niya ang kanyang ina na nagpagamot doon. Subalit namatay ang ina nito. Dahil sa kamahalan ng pamasahe pabalik sa Pilipinas, nagtipid si Maria. Pinauwi na lang niya ang kabaong ng kanyang ina na mag-isa.

Pagdating ng kabaong sa kanila, napansin ng mga kapamilya niya na tila namamaga ang mukha ng bangkay at nakadikit na ang mukha ng ina sa salamin ng ataul. Nagkomento tuloy ang isang anak, “Ay, naku! Tingnan mo ‘yan… hindi sila marunong mag-ayos ng bangkay sa Amerika!”

Upang ayusin ang itsura ng bangkay, binuksan nila ang kabaong. Napansin nila na may sulat sa dibdid ng ina. Kinuha nila ito at binasa. Ito ang nilalaman ng liham na nagmula kay Maria:

Mahal kong itay at mga kapatid,

Pasensya na kayo at hindi ko nasamahan ang inay sa pag-uwi riyan sa Pilipinas dahil napakamahal ng pamasahe.

Ang gastos ko pa lang sa kanya ay mahigit $10,000 na. Ayoko nang isipin pa ang eksaktong halaga. Anyway, ipinadala ko kasama ni inay ang mga sumusunod…

Nasa likod ni inay ang dalawampu’t apat na karne norte. Ang Adidas na suot ni inay ay para kay itay. Ang limang pares ng de-goma ay nasa loob ng dalawang asul na Jansport na backpack na inuunan ni inay. Tig-iisa kayo.

Ang iba’t-ibang klase ng tsokolate at candy ay nasa puwitan ni inay. Para sa mga bata ito. Bahala na kayong magparte-parte. Sana’y hindi matunaw ang mga ito. Ang pokemon stuffed toy na yapos-yapos ni inay ay para sa bunso ni ate. Gift ko sa first birthday ng bata.

Ang itim na Esprit bag ay para kay Nene. Ate, nasa loob ng bag ang pictures ni inay, original Japanese version ng pokemon trading cards at stickers.

Suot ni nanay ang tatlong Ralph Lauren, apat na Gap at dalawang Old Navy t-shirts. Ang isa ay para kay Kuya at tig-iisa ang mga pamangkin ko. Maisusuot ninyo ang mga iyan sa fiesta.

Suot din ni inay ang anim na panty hose at tatlong warmer para sa mga dalaga kong pamangkin. Isuot nyo sa party. May isang dosenang NBA caps sa may paanan ni inay. Para sa inyo, itay, kuya, dikong, Tiyo Romy. Bigyan nyo na rin ng tig-isa ‘yung mga pamangkin ko at ‘yong isa ay kay Pareng Tulume.

Ang tigda-dalawang pares ng Nike wristband at knee caps na suot-suot din ni inay ay para sa mga anak mo, dikong, na nagba-basketball.

Tigda-dalawang ream ng Marlboro green at Winston lights ang nasa pagitan ng mga hita ni nanay.

Apat na jar ng Skippy Peanut Butter, dalawang dishwashing liquid, isang Kiwi glass cleaner at tig-aanim na Colgate at Aqua Fresh ang nakasiksik sa kili-kili ni inay. Hati-hati na kayo, huwag mag-aagawan.

Isang dosenang Wonder bra na gustong-gusto ni Tiya Iska, suot-suot din ni inay. Alam kong inaasam-asam nyo ‘yan, tiya. Anim na lipstick lang ang kasya sa bra. Ang Rolex na bilin-bilin mo itay, suot-suot ni inay. Nakatakip sa Nike na wristband. Kunin mo agad, itay.

May isiniksik akong zip-loc sa bunganga ni inay na naglalaman ng 1000 dollars. Hindi na ako nakatakbo sa ATM. Puede na siguro sa libing iyon.

Iyong tong na makokolekta, i-time deposit niyo, Kuya, para pag namatay si itay may pambili na ng ataul. Ang hikaw, singsing at kuwintas (na may nakakabit pang anim na nail cutters) na gustong-gusto mo, ditse, ay suot suot din ni inay. Kunin mo na rin agad, ditse. Ibigay mo ang isang nail cutter kay Jay, yung bakla sa kanto.

Tanggalin niyo ang bulak sa ilong ng inay, may isiniksik ako 3 diyamante bawat butas. Ibangon niyo lang si inay at tiyak na malalaglag na ang mga iyon. Konting alog lang siguro ng ulo.

Isang Ray-Ban ladies sunglass na pa-birthday ko kay Ninang Berta, hindi ko na pinasuot kay inay. Isiniksik ko na lang sa may bandang ulunan ni inay. Nasa pink na plastik na maliit. Mga Chanel at Champion na medyas, suot suot din ni inay. Tig-iisa kayo, mga pamangkin ko.

Mga pampers, panty liners, cotton buds, cotton balls, table napkins at mga Scotch Brite na may foam ay natatakpan ng mga puting bath towels… Yon bale ang pinangkutson ko sa kabaong ni nanay. Marami-rami rin iyon. Parte-parte rin kayo. Marami pa akong ipinagsisiksik kung saan-saang parte gaya ng cafe, coffee creamer, ilang vienna sausage na delata, barbie dolls, toothbrush, paper cups, plastic spoons and forks, paper at styrofoam plates, perfume, cologne, ballpens, stationeries, envelopes, bar soaps, matchbox toys, used t-shirts, hand towels, CD, padlock, tools gaya ng screw driver, plais, long nose, atbp. na hindi ko na na-itemize dahil nagmamadali ako at graveyard shift ako ngayon.

Marami pa sana akong ilalagay, kaya lang baka mag-excess na ang timbang at si inay pa ang maiwan. Basta parte-parte kayo, itay, kuya, ate, dikong, ditse. Para sa inyo lahat ito. Bahala na kayo kay inay. Pamimisahan ko na lang siya rito. Balitaan ninyo na lang ako pagkatapos ng libing.

Paki-double check ang lista kung walang nawala sa mga ipinadala ko.

Nagmamahal,
Maria

P.S. Pakibihisan ninyo agad si Inay!

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Imagine a World Without Filipinos (Pinoy Version)

Narito ang sulat ng isang Arabyano tungkol sa kahalagahan ng mga Pilipinong manggagawa sa kanilang bansa. Ipinapakita dito ang katangian ng mga Pilipino at pagpapasalamat niya sa ambag ng mga Pilipino sa ekonomiya ng maraming bansa.

Ang sulat na ito ay pinagpasapasahan sa email nuong 2008 onwards at na-copy paste na rin sa iba pang mga blog. Kaya gumawa ako ng exclusive Tagalog version para maging mas intimate ang dating ng mensahe 😀

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Imagine a World Without Filipinos
Abdullah Al-Maghlooth | Al-Watan, almaghlooth@alwatan.com.sa
Nilathala: Lunes, Hunyo 16, 2008

philippine embassy saudi arabia
ang Philippine Embassy sa Riyadh, Saudi Arabia (panoramio.com)

Si Muhammad Al-Maghrabi ay naging handicap at nagsara ang kanyang flower and gifts shop na negosyo sa Jeddah pagkatapos na ang kanyang mga manggagawang Pilipino ay nagpilit na umalis at umuwi sa Pilipinas. Sabi niya: “Nang sila’y umalis, naramdaman kong tila ako’y nawalan ng mga braso. Sa sobrang lungkot ko’y nawalan ako ng ganang kumain. “

Pagkatapos nito ay lumipad si Al-Maghrabi patungong Maynila upang humanap ng dalawang Pilipinong maaaring pumalit sa mga trabahador niyang lumisan. Dati, sinubukan niya ang mga manggagawang mula sa ibang lahi subalit hindi siya bumilib sa kanila. “Walang ibang lahi ang maihahanlintulad sa mga Pilipino,” saad niya. Tuwing makakakita ako ng mga Pilipinong nagtatrabaho sa Saudi, napapa-isip ako kung ano kaya ang aming buhay kung wala sila.

Ang Saudi Arabia ay ang may pinakamalaking bilang ng mga manggagawa Pilipino – 1,019,577 – sa labas ng Pilipinas. Noong 2006 lang, ang Kaharian ng Saudi ay nag-recruit ng mahigit 223,000 mga manggagawa mula sa Pilipinas at ang kanilang bilang ay dumadami. Ang mga Pilipino ay hindi lamang gumagawa ng importante at epektibong bahagi sa Kaharian, sila rin ay may iba’t ibang trabaho sa mga bansa sa buong daigdig, kabilang na ang pagiging mga mandaragat. Kilala sila sa kanilang propesyunalismo at at kalidad ng kanilang trabaho.

Walang sinuman dito ang makaka-isip kung paano ang buhay kung walang mga Pilipino, na bumubuo ng halos 20 porsiyento ng mga mandaragat sa buong mundo. Mayroong 1.2 milyong mga Pilipinong sailors.

Kaya kung nagpasya isang araw ang mga Pilipino na tumigil sa pagtatrabaho o mag-strike para sa anumang kadahilanan, sino ang maghahatid ng langis, ng pagkain at mabigat na kagamitan sa buong mundo? Maaari nating maisip ang kalamidad na mangyayari.

Ang katangitangi sa mga Pilipino ay ang kanilang kakayahang magsalita ng napakahusay na Ingles at ang teknikal na kasanayang tinatanggap nila sa maagang yugto ng kanilang edukasyon. Mayroong ilang mga specialized training institutes sa Pilipinas, kabilang na ang mga nagi-i-specialize sa sa engineering at maintenance ng kalsada. Ang background sa kasanayang ito ang nagpapataas sa kanilang kakayahan sa mga mahahalagang bagay na ito.

Kapag binabanggit ang tungkol sa Pilipinas, hindi dapat kalimutan ang mga Pilipinong nurse. Sila ay may 23 porsiyento ng kabuuang bilang ng mga nars sa buong mundo. Ang Pilipinas ay tahanan ng higit sa 190 kinikilalang mga kolehiyo institutes ng nursing, kung saan may 9000 mga nars na nagtatapos bawat taon. Marami sa mga ito ay nagtatrabaho sa ibang mga bansa tulad ng US, UK, Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Kuwait at Singapore.

Si Cathy Ann, 35-taong gulang na Pilipinong nars na nagtatrabaho sa Saudi nitong huling limang taon at bago iyong ay sa Singapore, ang nagsabi na hindi siya nangungulila sa ibang bansa dahil “Ako ay napapalibutan ng aking mga kababayan kahit saan.” Naniniwala si Ann na ang maagang pagsasanay ang nagbibigay-daan sa mga Pilipino upang umangat sa nursing at iba pang mga larangan. Nagsimula siyang mag-aral ng propesyong ito sa edad na apat na taong gulang nang ang kanyang tiyahin, na isang nars, ay isinasama siya sa ospital at sinasabihan siyang panoorin ang trabaho. “Dati ay hinahalik n’ya ako tuwing may matututunan akong bagong bagay. Sa edad na 11, marami na akong kayang gawin. Nagsimula akong gawin ang maraming bagay gaya ng pagsukat sa presyon ng dugo ng aking lolo at pagbibigay ng insulin injections sa aking nanay,” sabi niya.

Ang uri na ito ng maagang sistema ng edukasyon ay kulang sa Saudi. Marami sa aming mga anak ang umaabot sa yugto ng unibersidad na walang ibang natututunan kundi ang mainip.

Ang Pilipinas, na halos hindi mo makita sa mapa, ay isang napaka-epektibong bansa salamat sa kanyang mga mamamayan. May kakayahan itong makaimpluwensiya sa ekonomiya ng buong mundo.

Dapat kaming magbigay-galang sa mga Pilipinong manggagawa, hindi lamang sa pamamagitan ng pag-empleyo sa kanila kundi pati na rin sa pamamagitan ng pag-aaral mula sa kanilang mga mahalagang karanasan.

Dapat kaming matuto at turuan ang aming mga anak sa kung paano magpatakbo at magpanatili ng mga barko at oil tankers, pati na rin ang pagpaplano at nursing at kung paano magkamit ng perpeksiyon sa aming trabaho. Ito ay nararapat gawin upang hindi kami matulad kay Muhammad Al-Maghrabi na nawalan ng interes at ganang kumain dahil nilisan ng mga Pilipinong manggagawa ang kanyang flower shop.

Dapat naming tandaan na kami ay masyadong nakadepende sa mga Pilipinong nasa paligid namin. Maaari kaming mamatay ng isang mabagal na kamatayan kung pinili nilang iwanan kami.

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Para sa orihinal na version, i-click ang link sa ibaba.

Source: Imagine a World Without Filipinos (Arab News)

100 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING PINOY

Credits sa kung sino man ang nag-compile ng listahang ito na pinagpasa-pasahan via email nung panahong hindi pa uso ang Facebook at iba pang social media (around the year 2005).

Isang nationalistic na listahan ng mga bagay na maganda sa pagiging Pilipino. Maaaring hindi sang-ayunan ng lahat ng mga Pilipino ang nakasulat dito at ilan din sa mga nakasulat sa ibaba ay outdated na. Pero marami sa mga bagay na nasa listahan ay makaka-relate ang  sinumang tunay na Pilipino.

being pinoy

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100 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING PINOY
by: Author Unknown

FROM the 1896 Revolution to the first Philippine Republic, the Commonwealth period, the EDSA Revolt, and the tiger cub economy, history marches on. Thankfully, however, some things never change.

Like the classics, things irresistibly Pinoy mark us for life. They’re the indelible stamp of our identity, the undeniable affinity that binds us like twins. They celebrate the good in us, the best of our culture and the infinite possibilities we are all capable of. Some are so self-explanatory you only need mention them for fellow Pinoys to swoon or drool.

Here, from all over this Centennial-crazed country and in no particular order, are a hundred of the best things that make us unmistakably Pinoy.

1. Merienda. Where else is it normal to eat five times a day?

2. Sawsawan. Assorted sauces that guarantee freedom of choice, enough room for experimentation and maximum tolerance for diverse tastes. Favorites: toyo’t calamansi, suka at sili, patis.

3. Kuwan, ano. At a loss for words? Try this saying and marvel at how Pinoys understand exactly what you want.

4. Pinoy humor and irreverence. If you’re “api” (being abused) and you know it, crack a joke. Nothing personal, really.

5. Tingi. Thank goodness for small entrepreneurs. Where else can we buy cigarettes, soap, condiments and life’s essentials in small affordable amounts?

6. Spirituality. Even before the Spaniards came, ethnic tribes had their own anitos, bathalas and assorted deities, pointing to a strong relationship with the Creator, who or whatever it may be.

7. Po, opo, mano po. Speech suffixes that define courtesy, deference, filial respect–a balm to the spirit in these aggressive times.

8. Pasalubong. Our way of sharing the vicarious thrills and delights of a trip, and a wonderful excuse to shop without the customary guilt.

9. Beaches! With 7,000 plus islands, we have miles and miles of shoreline piled high with fine white sand, lapped by warm waters, and nibbled by exotic tropical fish. From the stormy seas of Batanes to the emerald isles of Palawan–over here, life is truly a beach.

10. Bagoong. Darkly mysterious, this smelly fish or shrimp paste typifies the underlying theme of most ethnic foods: disgustingly unhygienic, unbearably stinky and simply irresistible.

11. Bayanihan. Yes, the internationally-renowned dance company, but also this habit of pitching in still common in small communities. Just have that cold beer and some pulutan ready for the troops.

12. The Balikbayan box. Another way of sharing life’s bounty, no matter if it seems like we’re fleeing Pol Pot everytime we head home from anywhere in the globe. The most wonderful part is that, more often than not, the contents are carted home to be distributed.

13. Pilipino komiks. Not to mention “Hiwaga,” “Aliwan,” “Tagalog Classics,” “Liwayway” and “Bulaklak” magazines. Pulpy publications that gave us Darna, Facifica Falayfay, Lagalag, Kulafu, Kenkoy, Dyesebel, characters of a time both innocent and worldly.

14. Folk songs. They come unbidden and spring, full blown, like a second language, at the slightest nudge from the too-loud stereo of a passing jeepney or tricycle.

15. Fiesta. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow is just another day, shrugs the poor man who, once a year, honors a patron saint with this sumptuous, no-holds-barred spread. It’s a Pinoy celebration at its pious and riotous best.

16. Aswang, manananggal, kapre. The whole underworld of Filipino lower mythology recalls our uniquely bizarre childhood, that is, before political correctness kicked in. Still, their rich adventures pepper our storytelling.

17. Jeepneys. Colorful, fast, reckless, a vehicle of postwar Pinoy ingenuity, this Everyman’s communal cadillac makes for a cheap, interesting ride. If the driver’s a daredevil (as they usually are), hang on to your seat.

18. Dinuguan. Blood stew, a bloodcurdling idea, until you try it with puto. Best when mined with jalapeno peppers. Messy but delicious.

19. Santacruzan. More than just a beauty contest, this one has religious overtones, a tableau of St. Helena’s and Constantine’s search for the Cross that seamlessly blends piety, pageantry and ritual. Plus, it’s the perfect excuse to show off the prettiest ladies–and the most beautiful gowns.

20. Balut. Unhatched duck’s embryo, another unspeakable ethnic food to outsiders, but oh, to indulge in guilty pleasures! Sprinkle some salt and suck out that soup, with gusto.

21. Pakidala. A personalized door-to-door remittance and delivery system for overseas Filipino workers who don’t trust the banking system, and who expect a family update from the courier, as well.

22. Choc-nut. Crumbly peanut chocolate bars that defined childhood ecstasy before M & M’s and Hersheys.

23. Kamayan style. To eat with one’s hand and eschew spoon, fork and table manners–ah, heaven.

24. Chicharon. Pork, fish or chicken crackling. There is in the crunch a hint of the extravagant, the decadent and the pedestrian. Perfect with vinegar, sublime with beer.

25. Pinoy hospitality. Just about everyone gets a hearty “Kain tayo!” invitation to break bread with whoever has food to share, no matter how skimpy or austere it is.

26. Adobo, kare-kare, sinigang and other lutong bahay stuff. Home-cooked meals that have the stamp of approval from several generations, who swear by closely-guarded cooking secrets and family recipes.

27. Lola Basyang. The voice one heard spinning tales over the radio, before movies and television curtailed imagination and defined grown-up tastes.

28. Pambahay. Home is where one can let it all hang out, where clothes do not make a man or woman but rather define their level of comfort.

29. Tricycle and trisikad, the poor Pinoy’s taxicab that delivers you at your doorstep for as little as PHPesos 3.00, with a complimentary dusting of polluted air.

30. Dirty ice cream. Very Pinoy flavors that make up for the risk: munggo, langka, ube, mais, keso, macapuno. Plus there’s the colorful cart that recalls jeepney art.

31. Yayas. The trusted Filipino nanny who, ironically, has become a major Philippine export as overseas contract workers. A good one is almost like a surrogate parent–if you don’t mind the accent and the predilection for afternoon soap and movie stars.

32. Sarsi. Pinoy rootbeer, the enduring taste of childhood. Our grandfathers had them with an egg beaten in.

33. Pinoy fruits. Atis, guyabano, chesa, mabolo, lanzones, durian, langka, makopa, dalanghita, siniguelas, suha, chico, papaya, singkamas–the possibilities!

34. Filipino celebrities. Movie stars, broadcasters, beauty queens, public officials, all-around controversial figures: Aurora Pijuan, Cardinal Sin, Carlos P. Romulo, Charito Solis, Cory Aquino, Emilio Aguinaldo, the Eraserheads, Fidel V. Ramos, Francis Magalona, Gloria Diaz, Manuel L. Quezon, Margie Moran, Melanie Marquez, Ninoy Aquino, Nora Aunor, Pitoy Moreno, Ramon Magsysay, Richard Gomez, San Lorenzo Ruiz, Sharon Cuneta, Gemma Cruz, Erap, Tiya Dely, Mel and Jay, Gary V.

35. World class Pinoys who put us on the global map: Lea Salonga, Paeng Nepomuceno, Eugene Torre, Luisito Espinosa, Lydia de Vega-Mercado, Jocelyn Enriquez, Elma Muros, Onyok Velasco, Efren “Bata” Reyes, Lilia Calderon-Clemente, Loida Nicolas-Lewis, Josie Natori.

36. Pinoy tastes. A dietitian’s nightmare: too sweet, too salty, too fatty, as in burong talangka, itlog na maalat, crab fat (aligue), bokayo, kutchinta, sapin-sapin, halo-halo, pastilyas, palitaw, pulburon, longganisa, tuyo, ensaymada, ube haleya, sweetened macapuno and garbanzos. Remember, we’re the guys who put sugar (horrors) in our spaghetti sauce. Yum!

37. The sights. Banaue Rice Terraces, Boracay, Bohol’s Chocolate Hills, Corregidor Island, Fort Santiago, the Hundred Islands, the Las PiA±as Bamboo Organ, Rizal Park, Mt. Banahaw, Mayon Volcano, Taal Volcano. A land of contrasts and ever-changing landscapes.

38. Gayuma, agimat and anting-anting. Love potions and amulets. How the socially-disadvantaged Pinoy copes.

39. Barangay Ginebra, Jaworski, PBA, MBA and basketball. How the verticaly-challenged Pinoy compensates, via a national sports obsession that reduces fans to tears and fistfights.

40. People Power at EDSA. When everyone became a hero and changed Philippine history overnight.

41. San Miguel Beer and pulutan. “Isa pa nga!” and the Philippines’ most popular, world-renowned beer goes well with peanuts, corniks, tapa, chicharon, usa, barbecue, sisig, and all manner of spicy, crunchy and cholesterol-rich chasers.

42. Resiliency. We’ve survived 400 years of Spanish rule, the US bases, Marcos, the 1990 earthquake, lahar, lambada, Robin Padilla, and Tamagochi. We’ll survive Erap.

43. Yoyo. Truly Filipino in origin, this hunting tool, weapon, toy and merchandising vehicle remains the best way to “walk the dog” and “rock the baby,” using just a piece of string.

44. Pinoy games: Pabitin, palosebo, basagan ng palayok. A few basic rules make individual cunning and persistence a premium, and guarantee a good time for

45. Ninoy Aquino. For saying that “the Filipino is worth dying for,” and proving it.

46. Balagtasan. The verbal joust that brings out rhyme, reason and passion on a public stage.

47. Tabo. All-powerful, ever-useful, hygienically-triumphant device to scoop water out of a bucket and help the true Pinoy answer nature’s call. Helps maintain our famously stringent toilet habits.

48. Pandesal. Despite its shrinking size, still a good buy. Goes well with any filling, best when hot.

49. Jollibee. Truly Pinoy in taste and sensibility, and a corporate icon that we can be quite proud of. Do you know that it’s invaded the Middle East, as well?

50. The butanding, the dolphins and other creatures in our blessed waters. They’re Pinoys, too, and they’re here to stay. Now if some folks would just stop turning them into daing.

51. Pakikisama. It’s what makes people stay longer at parties, have another drink, join pals in sickness and health. You can get dead drunk and still make it home.

52. Sing-a-long. Filipinos love to sing, and thank God a lot of us do it well!

53. Kayumanggi. Neither pale nor dark, our skin tone is beautifully healthy, the color of a rich earth or a mahogany tree growing towards the sun.

54. Handwoven cloth and native weaves. Colorful, environment-friendly alternatives to polyester that feature skillful workmanship and a rich indigenous culture behind every thread. From the pinukpok of the north to the malong of the south, it’s the fiber of who we are.

55. Movies. Still the cheapest form of entertainment, especially if you watch the same movie several times.

56. Bahala na. We cope with uncertainty by embracing it, and are thus enabled to play life by ear.

57. Papaitan. An offal stew flavored with bile, admittedly an acquired taste, but pointing to our national ability to acquire a taste for almost anything.

58. English. Whether carabao or Arr-neoww-accented, it doubles our chances in the global marketplace.

59. The Press. Irresponsible, sensational, often inaccurate, but still the liveliest in Asia. Otherwise, we’d all be glued to TV.

60. Divisoria. Smelly, crowded, a pickpocket’s paradise, but you can get anything here, often at rock-bottom prices. The sensory overload is a bonus.

61. Barong Tagalog. Enables men to look formal and dignified without having to strangle themselves with a necktie. Worn well, it makes any ordinary Juan look marvelously makisig.

62. Filipinas. They make the best friends, lovers, wives. Too bad they can’t say the same for Filipinos.

63. Filipinos. So maybe they’re bolero and macho with an occasional streak of generic infidelity; they do know how to make a woman feel like one.

64. Catholicism. What fun would sin be without guilt? Jesus Christ is firmly planted on Philippine soil.

65. Dolphy. Our favorite, ultra-durable comedian gives the beleaguered Pinoy everyman an odd dignity, even in drag.

66. Style. Something we often prefer over substance. But every Filipino claims it as a birthright.

67. Bad taste. Clear plastic covers on the vinyl-upholstered sofa, posters of poker-playing dogs masquerading as art, overaccessorized jeepneys and altars–the list is endless, and wealth only seems to magnify it.

68. Mangoes. Crisp and tart, or lusciously ripe, they evoke memories of family outings and endless sunshine in a heart-shaped package.Mangoes. Crisp and tart, or lusciously ripe, they evoke memories of family outings and endless sunshine in a heart-shaped package.

69. Unbridled optimism. Why we rank so low on the suicide scale.

70. Street food: Barbecue, lugaw, banana-cue, fishballs, IUD (chicken entrails), adidas (chicken feet), warm taho. Forget hepatitis; here’s cheap, tasty food with gritty ambience.

71. The siesta. Snoozing in the middle of the day is smart, not lazy.

72. Honorifics and courteous titles: Kuya, ate, diko, ditse, ineng, totoy, Ingkong, Aling, Mang, etc. No exact English translation, but these words connote respect, deference and the value placed on kinship.

73. Heroes and people who stood up for truth and freedom. Lapu-lapu started it all, and other heroes and revolutionaries followed: Diego Silang, Macario Sakay, Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Apolinario Mabini, Melchora Aquino, Gregorio del Pilar, Gabriela Silang, Miguel Malvar, Francisco Balagtas, Juan Luna, Marcelo H. del Pilar, Panday Pira, Emilio Jacinto, Raha Suliman, Antonio Luna, Gomburza, Emilio Aguinaldo, the heroes of Bataan and Corregidor, Pepe Diokno, Satur Ocampo, Dean Armando Malay, Evelio Javier, Ninoy Aquino, Lola Rosa and other comfort women who spoke up, honest cabbie Emilio Advincula, Rona Mahilum, the women lawyers who didn’t let Jalosjos get away with rape.

74. Flora and fauna. The sea cow (dugong), the tarsier, calamian deer, bearcat, Philippine eagle, sampaguita, ilang-ilang, camia, pandan, the creatures that make our archipelago unique.

75. Pilipino songs, OPM and composers: “Ama Namin,” “Lupang Hinirang,” “Gaano Ko Ikaw Kamahal,” “Ngayon at Kailanman,” “Anak,” “Handog,””Hindi Kita Malilimutan,” “Ang Pasko ay Sumapit”; Ryan Cayabyab, George Canseco, Restie Umali, Levi Celerio, Manuel Francisco, Freddie Aguilar, and Florante–living examples of our musical gift.

76. Metro Aides. They started out as Imelda Marcos’ groupies, but have gallantly proven their worth. Against all odds, they continuously prove that cleanliness is next to godliness–especially now that those darned candidates’ posters have to be scraped off the face of Manila!

77. Sari-sari store. There’s one in every corner, offering everything from bananas and floor wax to Band-Aid and bakya.

78. Philippine National Red Cross. PAWS. Caritas. Fund drives. They help us help each other.

79. Favorite TV shows through the years: “Tawag ng Tanghalan,” “John and Marsha,” “Champoy,” “Ryan, Ryan Musikahan,” “Kuwarta o Kahon,” “Public Forum/Lives,” “Student Canteen,” “Eat Bulaga.” In the age of inane variety shows, they have redeemed Philippine television.

80. Quirks of language that can drive crazy any tourist listening in: “Bababa ba?” “Bababa!”

81. “Sayang!” “Naman!” “Kadiri!” “Ano ba!?” “pala.” Expressions that defy translation but wring out feelings genuinely Pinoy.

82. Cockfighting. Filipino men love it more than their wives (sometimes).

83. Dr. Jose Rizal. A category in himself. Hero, medicine man, genius, athlete, sculptor, fictionist, poet, essayist, husband, lover, samaritan, martyr. Truly someone to emulate and be proud of, anytime, anywhere.

84. Nora Aunor. Short, dark and homely-looking, she redefined our rigid concept of how leading ladies should look.

85. Noranian or Vilmanian. Defines the friendly rivalry between Ate Guy Aunor and Ate Vi Santos and for many years, the only way to be for many Filipino fans.

86. Filipino Christmas. The world’s longest holiday season. A perfect excuse to mix our love for feasting, gift-giving and music and wrap it up with a touch of religion.

87. Relatives and kababayan abroad. The best refuge against loneliness, discrimination and confusion in a foreign place. Distant relatives and fellow Pinoys readily roll out the welcome mat even on the basis of a phone introduction or referral.

88. Festivals: Sinulog, Ati-atihan, Moriones. Sounds, colors, pagan frenzy and Christian overtones.

89. Folk dances. Tinikling, pandanggo sa ilaw, kariA±osa, kuratsa, itik-itik, alitaptap, rigodon. All the right moves and a distinct rhythm.

90. Native wear and costumes. Baro’t saya, tapis, terno, saya, salakot, bakya. Lovely form and ingenious function in the way we dress.

91. Sunday family gatherings. Or, close family ties that never get severed. You don’t have to win the lotto or be a president to have 10,000 relatives. Everyone’s family tree extends all over the archipelago, and it’s at its best in times of crisis; notice how food, hostesses, money, and moral support materialize during a wake?

92. Calesa and karitela. The colorful and leisurely way to negotiate narrow streets when loaded down with a year’s provisions.

93. Quality of life. Where else can an ordinary employee afford a stay-in helper, a yaya, unlimited movies, eat-all-you-can buffets, the latest fashion (Baclaran nga lang), even Viagra in the black market?

94. All Saints’ Day. In honoring our dead, we also prove that we know how to live.

95. Handicrafts. Shellcraft, rattancraft, abaca novelties, woodcarvings, banig placemats and bags, bamboo windchimes, etc. Portable memories of home. Hindi lang pang-turista, pang-balikbayan pa!

96. Pinoy greens. Sitaw. Okra. Ampalaya. Gabi. Munggo. Dahon ng Sili. Kangkong. Luya. Talong. Sigarillas. Bataw. Patani. Lutong bahay will never be the same without them.

97. OCWs. The lengths (and miles) we’d go for a better life for our family, as proven by these modern-day heroes of the economy.

98. The Filipino artist. From Luna’s magnificent “Spoliarium” and Amorsolo’s sun-kissed ricefields, to Ang Kiukok’s jarring abstractions and Borlongan’s haunting ghosts, and everybody else in between.
Hang a Filipino painting on your wall, and you’re hanging one of Asia’s best.

99. Tagalog soap operas. From “Gulong ng Palad” and “Flor de Luna” to today’s incarnations like “Mula sa Puso” –they’re the story of our lives, and we feel strongly for them, MariMar notwithstanding.

100. Midnight madness, weekends sales, bangketas and baratillos. It’s retail therapy at its best, with Filipinos braving traffic, crowds, and human deluge to find a bargain.

Mathematical Analysis Para Kay Santa Claus

It’s that time of the year na naman. Naging mabait ka ba ngayong taon? Kung oo, baka makatanggap ka ng regalo ngayong Pasko mula kay Santa Claus. Pero kung above 15 ka na, wag ka nang umasa kasi pambata lang si Santa.

I-analyze na lang natin kung paano nagagawa ni Santa yung trabaho niya taun-taon. Narito ang mathematical analysis patungkol sa tradisyon ng pamimigay ng regalo ni Santa Claus kapag sumasapit ang Pasko.

1) Tungkol sa mga lumilipad na usa

reindeer
halimbawa ng mga reindeer

Sa kasalukuyan ay wala pang kilalang mga species ng reindeer na lumilipad.

SUBALIT mayroong 5,000,000 species ng buhay na organismo ang hindi pa umano natutukoy (source), at habang ang karamihan sa mga ito ay mga insekto at mikrobyo, hindi nito inaalis ang posibilidad na isa sa mga species na ito ay mga lumilipad na reindeer na si Santa pa lamang ang nakakakita.

2 ) Bilang ng mga batang bibigyan ng regalo

santa with kids
maraming bata ang excited sa pasko… (photoblog.statesman.com)

Tinatayang may 1.8 bilyong mga bata ( mababa ang edad sa 15 years old ) sa mundo (source). Ngunit dahil si Santa ay hindi kinikilala ng mga batang Muslim, Hindu at Buddhist, binabawasan nito ang workload ni Santa ng 85%. Bale 270 milyong mga bata na lang ang kandidato para mabigyan ng regalo.

Kung i-assume natin na ang average na 3.5 na dami ng bata sa isang tahanan, ang bibisitahing bahay ni Santa ay humigit kumulang na 77 milyong bahay lamang. Ipinapalagay din natin dito na isang mabait na bata lang ang meron sa bawat tahanan.

3) Oras para mamigay ng regalo

World-Time-Zone
24 time zones ng daigdig (mapsofworld.com)

Si Santa ay may 24 oras ng Pasko upang kumilos ayon sa major time zones ng daigdig.

Sa bawat segundo ay dapat bisitahin ni Santa ang 891 na mga tahanan (77M bahay ÷ 24 time zones ÷ 3600 sec/hour) kaya meron lamang siyang 1/900th ng isang segundo upang pumarada, bumaba sa kanyang sleigh, lumusot sa chimney, lagyan ng laman ang mga medyas, ilagay ang mga regalo sa ilalim ng christmas tree, tikman ang inihandang meryenda para sa kanya, muling umakyat palabas ng chimney, sumakay ng kanyang sleigh at lumipat sa susunod na bahay.

Mababawasan ang panahong gugugulin ni Santa sa mga tahanan ng mga mabait pero mahirap na bata kasi walang chimney ang mga ito, walang medyas na isinasabit at walang handang meryenda para sa kanya.

Alang-alang sa ating computation, ipagpalagay natin na ang 77,000,000 na tahanan ay pantay-pantay na nakakalat sa buong mundo (surface area: 510 million sq km). Bawat time zone ay magkakaroon ng 3,208,333 na tahanan. Base dito, mako-compute natin na ang bawat bahay ay 6.6 km ang pagitan sa isa’t isa.

Kung 891 bahay ang dapat puntahan ni Santa sa loob ng isang segundo, magta-travel si Santa at ang kanyang sleigh ng 5881 km per second. Ito ay 17,282 times na mas mabilis sa speed of sound at 2% ng speed of light.

4) Timbang ng mga regalong ipapamigay

santa sleigh ride
pinaniniwalaang gamit ni santa sa paghahatid ng regalo…

Ipagpalagay nating hindi hihigit sa isang medium -sized na Lego set (about 900 grams) ang makukuha ng bawat bata/tahanan. Ang sleigh kung ganun ay magdadala ng 69,300,000 kilong laruan (69,300 tonelada). Hindi na natin isasama ang timbang ng sleigh at ang bigat ni Santa (na ipinapakita laging overweight). Gayunpaman, mas mabigat pa rin ito sa Titanic (may bigat na 52,310 tonelada).

Sa lupa, ang isang pangkaraniwang reindeer ay kayang humila ng hindi lalagpas sa 136kg. Kahit i-consider natin na lumilipad ang reindeer at kaya nitong humila ng 10 beses na mas mabigat na karga (1360kg), mangangailangan pa rin si Santa ng 50,956 na reindeers para hilain ang mga laruan.

Kung gagawin nating uniform ang timbang ng mga reindeer na 160 kg bawat isa, ang total timbang ng lahat ng mga reindeer ay 8,152,960 kg. Ang total na timbang ng byahe ni Santa ay magiging 77,452,960 kg.

Kung isasama pa natin sa computation ang tinitikmang meryenda ni Santa sa bawat tahanan ( 50ml gatas, 10 grams cookie) madadagdagan ng 4,620,000 kilo ang timbang ni Santa pagkatapos niyang maihatid lahat ng regalo. (Hindi na natin ito isinama sa mga computation)

5) Air resistance

concept santa cars
hinihinalang mga sasakyan ni santa…

Ang isang bagay na tumitimbang ng 77,452,960 kilo at naglalakbay sa tulin na 5881 km per second ay lumilikha ng napakalaking air resistance. Sa bilis na ito, ay para na ring space shuttle na pumasok sa atmosphere ng mundo ang kalagayan ni Santa Claus.

Base sa air resistance formula na F = 0.5CAρV² ay magagawa nating i-compute ang pwersang bumabangga sa sleigh ni Santa habang naglalakbay sa hangin.

drag force cyclist

F ang hahanapin at ia-assume natin ang value ng iba.

C = 0.031 (drag coefficient ng Boeing 747)
A = 6 m² ( assumed frontal area ng sleigh ni Santa)
ρ = 1.225 kg/m³ (air density at sea level)
V = 5,881,000 m/s

Ang pwersa (F) na babangga sa sleigh ni Santa (F) ay aabot ng 3,940 million kN.

Katumbas ito ng pwersang lilikhain ng 67 great pyramids kapag inihulog mula sa mga alapaap.

Bukod sa air resistance ay lilikha din ng compression sa hangin ang sleigh ni Santa dahil sa bilis nito. Ang pagtaas ng pressure sa hangin ay lilikha ng pagtaas ng temperatura nito. Isang US aircraft ang napabalitang lumipad ng 20 times ng speed of sound at lumikha ng 3500°C na temperatura sa hangin. (source)

At dahil walang bubong ang sleigh ni Santa, sasagupain ni Santa at ng mga reindeer ang air resistance pati na ang init na ipo-produce nila habang lumilipad sa hangin.

Wala pang isang segundo ay magliliyab na ang mga reindeer at si Santa Claus sa unang arangkada pa lang ng kanilang byahe. At kahit balutin man sila ng heat proof material ay madudurog naman sila sa napakalaking pwersang lumalaban sa kanilang paglipad.

Bukod pa sa lahat ng ito ay ang lilikhain na mga nakakabingi at nakakapinsalang sonic boom ni Santa sa kanyang mga madaanan habang naglalakbay sa buong mundo.

Base sa mga nakalap nating impormasyon, ilan sa mga bagay sa ibaba ang posibleng paliwanag kung paano nagagawa ni Santa Claus ang kanyang trabaho.

  1.  Hindi nag-iisa si Santa sa paghahatid ng mga regalo
  2. Hindi totoong reindeers ang gamit niya sa paghahatid ng mga regalo
  3. Hindi kumakain si Santa habang naghahatid ng mga regalo
  4. Gumagamit ng alien technology si Santa para pahintuin ang oras at mag-teleport
  5. Kung sakaling namigay nga si Santa ng regalo base sa mga nakasaad sa itaas, patay na siya ngayon

Ang post na ito ay halaw sa isang email na umikot nung early 2000 mula sa hindi kilalang author na nagpapaliwanag sa trabaho ni Santa Claus in scientific terms. Ang post na ito ay in-adjust sa Metric units at ginamitan ng mas bagong mga impormasyon.

Narito ang isang version ng umikot na forwarded email: The Physics of Santa Claus

santa clauses
mga apprentice ni santa… (dailyrecord.co.uk)

Forwarded Emails

Advanced Merry Christmas at Advanced Happy New Year!

Ang dami ng nangyari nung huli akong nakapag-post. Sumikat at lumubog si Amalayer, inireklamo at nagreklamo si Tito Sen, may tiba-tiba at may na-bankrupt sa pyramid scam at inabot na ng tatlong taon ang isang napakabagal na paglilitis.

Marami akong excuse, este, dahilan sa hindi pagpo-post ng matagal. Ilan sa mga ito ay ang Angry Birds, iFighter 45 atsaka Fruit Ninja.

Nag-reflect din ako kung ano’ng direksyon ang dapat kong tunguhin para sa blog na ‘to. Pagkatapos ng dalawang linggong pagninilay-nilay, wala pa rin akong naisip na magandang gawing matino para sa blog na ito. Naisipan ko na lang magdagdag ng isa pang category na pinamagatang Forwarded Emails.

email logo
whoever made this icon/logo, it’s very nice

Nung hindi pa uso ang social networking sites (Friendster/Facebook) eh sa e-mail nagchi-chikahan ang taumbayan.  Minsan, kahit walang maikuwento, nagfo-forward na lang ang mga tao ng akda ng ibang tao. Para lang makapag-keep in touch o makapagparamdam sa kaibigan.

Ilan sa mga forwarded emails na nagustuhan ko (hindi ko dinelete sa inbox) ang ipinost ko sa kategoryang Forwarded Emails. Mga nakakatawa at may makabayang tema lang ang ipinost ko dito. Censored na kasi yung iba, joke.

Sikat yung iba at na-publish na rin yata sa ilang libro. Kung sino man ang sumulat ng mga ito ay hindi na nabigyan ng credit (o royalty) pero nagpapasalamat ako sa kanila dahil nakakalibang ang kanilang katha. Hindi naaksaya ang ginamit kong oras sa pagbabasa ng mga ito.

Heto ang link sa page: Forwarded Emails

Maraming salamat sa patuloy na pagbisita sa blog na ito 😀

Sulat ng Isang Koreano Tungkol sa Pilipinas

Parang 2006 din yata ito kumalat. Sulat ng isang Koreanong nag-aral sa Pilipinas.

****************************************************************************

MY SHORT ESSAY ABOUT THE PHILIPPINES
By Jaeyoun Kim

Filipinos always complain about the corruption in the Philippines. Do you really think the corruption is the problem of the Philippines? I do not think so. I strongly believe that the problem is the lack of love for the Philippines.

Let me first talk about my country, Korea. It might help you understand my point. After the Korean War, South Korea was one of the poorest countries in the world. Koreans had to start from scratch because entire country was destroyed after the Korean War, and we had no natural resources.

Koreans used to talk about the Philippines, for Filipinos were very rich in Asia. We envy Filipinos. Koreans really wanted to be well off like Filipinos. Many Koreans died of famine. My father & brother also died because of famine. Korean government was very corrupt and is still very corrupt beyond your imagination, but Korea was able to develop dramatically because Koreans really did their best for the common good with their heart burning with patriotism.

Koreans did not work just for themselves but also for their neighborhood and country. Education inspired young men with the spirit of patriotism.

40 years ago, President Park took over the government to reform Korea. He tried to borrow money from other countries, but it was not possible to get a loan and attract a foreign investment because the economic situation of South Korea was so bad. Korea had only three factories. So, President Park sent many mine workers and nurses to Germany so that they could send money to Korea to build a factory. They had to go through horrible experience.

In 1964, President Park visited Germany to borrow money. Hundred of Koreans in Germany came to the airport to welcome him and cried there as they saw the President Park. They asked to him, “President, when can we be well off?” That was the only question everyone asked to him. President Park cried with them and promised them that Korea would be well off if everyone works hard for Korea, and the President of Germany got the strong impression on them and lent money to Korea. So, President Park was able to build many factories in Korea. He always asked Koreans to love their country from their heart.

Many Korean scientists and engineers in the USA came back to Korea to help developing country because they wanted their country to be well off.  Though they received very small salary, they did their best for Korea. They always hoped that their children would live in well off country.

My parents always brought me to the places where poor and physically handicapped people live. They wanted me to understand their life and help them. I also worked for Catholic Church when I was in the army.

The only thing I learned from Catholic Church was that we have to love our neighborhood. And, I have loved my neighborhood. Have you cried for the Philippines? I have cried for my country several times. I also cried for the Philippines because of so many poor people. I have been to the New Bilibid prison. What made me sad in the prison were the prisoners who do not have any love for their country. They go to mass and work for Church. They pray everyday.

However, they do not love the Philippines. I talked to two prisoners at the maximum-security compound, and both of them said that they would leave the Philippines right after they are released from the prison. They said that they would start a new life in other countries and never come back to the Philippines.

Many Koreans have a great love for Korea so that we were able to share our wealth with our neighborhood. The owners of factory and company were distributed their profit to their employees fairly so that employees could buy what they needed and saved money for the future and their children.

When I was in Korea, I had a very strong faith and wanted to be a priest. However, when I came to the Philippines, I completely lost my faith.

I was very confused when I saw many unbelievable situations in the Philippines. Street kids always make me sad, and I see them everyday. The Philippines is the only Catholic country in Asia, but there are too many poor people here. People go to church every Sunday to pray, but nothing has been changed.

My parents came to the Philippines last week and saw this situation. They told me that Korea was much poorer than the present Philippines when they were young. They are so sorry that there are so many beggars and street kids. When we went to Pasangjan, I forced my parents to take a boat because it would be fun. However, they were not happy after taking a boat. They said that they would not take the boat again because they were sympathized the boatmen, for the boatmen were very poor and had a small frame. Most of people just took a boat and enjoyed it.  But, my parents did not enjoy it because of love for them.

My mother who has been working for Catholic Church since I was very young told me that if we just go to mass without changing ourselves, we are not Catholic indeed. Faith should come with action.  She added that I have to love Filipinos and do good things for them because all of us are same and have received a great love from God. I want Filipinos to love their neighborhood and country as much as they love God so that the Philippines will be well off.

I am sure that love is the keyword, which Filipinos should remember. We cannot change the sinful structure at once. It should start from person. Love must start in everybody, in a s mall scale and have to grow. A lot of things happen if we open up to love. Let’s put away our prejudices and look at our worries with our new eyes.

I discover that every person is worthy to be loved. Trust in love, because it makes changes possible. Love changes you and me. It changes people, contexts and relationships. It changes the world. Please love your neighborhood and country.

Jesus Christ said that whatever we do to others we do to Him. In the Philippines, there is God for people who are abused and abandoned. There is God who is crying for love.  If you have a child, teach them how to love the Philippines. Teach! them wh y they have to love their neighborhood and country. You already know that God also will be very happy if you love others.

That’s all I really want to ask you Filipinos.

Second Generation Pinoys (Fil-Am Kids)

Hindi ko alam kung sino ang nagsulat nito o kung totoo ba ang mga nakasulat dito. So, if you are a Fil-Am kid, please share what you think about this 🙂

You Know You Are A Second Generation Pinoy If:

  1. You understand a lot of Tagalog, but can hardly speak it.
  2. Make fun of your parents’ accents.
  3. As a child, you were totally embarrassed to eat spaghetti with sliced hot dogs in it. Now, there is absolutely no way you will eat spaghetti without the hot dogs. In fact, you suggest to your non-Filipino friends that hot dogs make spaghetti taste better.
  4. As a child, you hated being Filipino.
  5. Now, you wear Pinoy Pride T-shirts.
  6. You still wear Tsinelas (slippers).
  7. You still take off your shoes when entering a house.
  8. (Southern California) You’ve ever lived in Baldwin Park, Carson, Cerritos, the ghetto part of L.A., West Covina, Walnut or Diamond Bar. (Northern California) You’ve ever lived in Union City.
  9. You don’t steal things (e.g., towels, soaps, tissues, cups) from hotel rooms like your parents did. And when you do take things, you deny that the action is not a Filipino trait.
  10. You don’t care if a T-shirt was made in the Philippines or the USA. As long as it has a designer label on it, you’ll wear it.
  11. You like shopping in small Filipino markets or the 99 Ranch, but you can’t stand the way it smells in there.
  12. As a child, you cursed your mom for feeding you Sinigang and Adobo all the time, instead of eating at McDonald’s once in awhile. Now, it’s a special treat when your mom cooks Sinigang or Adobo.
  13. You know how to cook at least one Filipino dish.
  14. You know what fried Tuyo smells like.
  15. Dinuguan (“black chocolate” dish) still grosses you out.
  16. You still exhibit “tightwad” traits like buying a small soda (instead of medium or large which costs 20 cents more) when it’s all you can drink.
  17. You’d rather wash dishes with your hands than use your dishwasher because it wastes more water.
  18. You still like Lumpia and Pansit.
  19. You say Paanset (American pronunciation) instead of Pansit.
  20. You still like Lechon but the pig’s head still freaks you out.
  21. You still find Balut disgusting.
  22. You think you’re all that when you go back to the Philippines because you don’t speak with an accent, your skin is fairer than the natives’, and you have cool clothes – not hand-me-downs from relatives in the States.
  23. You think all Filipino movies are funny, even when the movie is a drama.
  24. You actually believe that you could become a Filipino movie star back home because you think you’re better looking than the Filipinos back home.
  25. You’re disappointed at American parties where the only food to eat are small finger-type foods with names you can’t pronounce. (How about those vegetable sticks? Yuk!) You’re even more disappointed when there is meat being served, but no rice!
  26. You eat Kentucky Fried Chicken with rice. Screw the biscuits!
  27. You still call your grandparents Lolo and Lola.
  28. You dare not bring Balikbayan boxes with you when traveling back home! One suitcase will do just fine.
  29. Sometimes your Filipino accent comes out accidentally and you get embarrassed about it.
  30. Your non-Filipino friends and coworkers ask you if you’ve ever eaten dog.
  31. Your college major was in computers, engineering, nursing or business. Filipinos don’t major in philosophy, literature, history, sociology and other liberal arts. There’s no money in it!
  32. You still eat Pandesal with butter, Vienna sausage, or eggs.
  33. Your friends and coworkers don’t call you by your Filipino nickname (e.g., Popoy, Bong, Jhun Jhun), although your family members and relatives still do.
  34. Your parents’ house still have the furniture you grew up with.
  35. Although there are now creative ways to eat Spam, you still like it the classic Filipino way – fried with rice and ketchup. Same with corned beef except without the ketchup.

Children Learn What They Live

Isang Amerkanong manunulat at family counselor ang nagsulat ng tula tungkol sa pagpapalaki ng bata noong 1954. Sumikat ang tulang ito sa mga kananayan at lalong sumikat nang i-promote ng isang brand ng baby formula.

Napabalita din nuong 2005 na ang Prinsipe ng Japan na si Prince Naruhito ay nagpahayag na palalakihin n’ya ang kanyang anak na si Princess Aiko sa mga kataga ng tulang ito.

Narito ang pamosong tula at ang Tagalog translation nito.

Children Learn What They Live
By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism,
they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility,
they learn to fight.

If children live with fear,
they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity,
they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule,
they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy,
they learn to feel envy.

If children live with shame,
they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement,
they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance,
they learn patience.

If children live with praise,
they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance,
they learn to love.

If children live with approval,
they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition,
they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing,
they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty,
they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness,
they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration,
they learn respect.

If children live with security,
they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.

If children live with friendliness,
they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Tagalog Translation:

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay sa pamumuna,
natututunan nila ang mangondena.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay sa karahasan,
natututunan nila ang makipag-away.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay na may takot,
natututunan nila ang maging bagabag.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay sa awa,
natututunan nila ang makaramdam ng pagkahabag sa sarili.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay na nililibak,
natututunan nila ang maging mahiyain.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay sa paninibugho,
natututunan nila ang makaramdam ng inggit.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay sa kahihiyan,
natututunan nila ang makaramdam na parating may kasalanan.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay na binibigyan ng lakas at pag-asa,
natututunan nila ang kumpiyansa.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay na may pagpapahintulot,
natututunan nila ang pasensya.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay na may papuri,
natututunan nila ang pagpapahalaga.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay na may pagtanggap,
natututunan nila ang magmahal.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay na may pag-apruba,
natututunan nila ang magustuhan ang kanilang sarili.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay na may pagkilala,
natututunan nila na mabuting bagay ang magkaroon ng isang layunin.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay sa pagdadamayan,
natututunan nila ang maging mapagbigay.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay na may katapatan,
natututunan nila ang pagiging totoo.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay na may pagkakapantay-pantay,
natututunan nila ang katarungan.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay na may kagandahang-loob at pagsasaalang-alang,
natututunan nila ang paggalang.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay na may seguridad,
natututunan nila ang tiwala sa sarili at sa iba sa kanyang paligid.

Kung ang mga bata ay mabubuhay na may pagkakaibigan,
natututunan nila na ang mundo ay isang magandang lugar para tirhan.

group-of-children-jumping
pic source: stockfresh.com

Mga Bagay na Hindi Dapat Sabihin sa Boss

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  • “ano? yan lang di mo pa kayang gawin at iuutos mo pa sa akin?”
  • “hello! gawin mo na iyan noh para naman huwag mong makalimutan kung paano mag-isip. Nakakatakot baka kinakalawang na pala utak mo dahil hindi nagagamit.”
  • “boss, makinig ka kaya sa akin!”
  • “puwede ba, busy ako?”
  • “if challenges are more important than financial rewards, then why won’t you just trade in your salary for my challenges?”
  • “Of the 10 assignments you gave me the past three days, can you please decide which one is really ‘the most important and crucial and is to be submitted ASAP’?”
  • “absent ako bukas, wala lang…”
  • “…pwede bang mag-all expense paid na vacation? sige na naman, pagod na pagod na ako.”
  • “Boss, pakibili mo nga ako ng yosi…cge na! sa ‘yo na yung sukli!”
  • “uwi na ako ha. bahala ka na dito sa opis…”
  • “Ser, pwede bang taasan mo sweldo ko? ang hirap kasi ng trabaho ko eh, pakisamahan ang isang kagaya mo!”
  • “Mam, mag-reduce ka naman!”
  • “…your assumption of your position was entirely hinged on the absence of a viable choice.”
  • “sagutin mo naman yung telepono…a little exercise won’t hurt.”
  • “shut up when i’m talking to you!!!”
  • “ano?!! di mo alam mag-print? sayang ang laptop mo ma’am.”
  • “…please refrain from flirting with every white blonde male you meet…ang cheap ng dating.”
  • “ang ganda ng resulta ng pagkaka-plastic surgery n’yo, mam! banat na banat!”
  • “if you really think it’s THAT important, di ikaw gumawa!”
  • ” sir! palit tayong sweldo!!!!”
  • “Ser, di ka ba nahihilo sa kaka-solitaire mo? gusto mo magtrabaho naman for a change?”
  • “do my work over the weekend?!?!  bahket? may overtime pay ba ‘to?!”
  • “can’t you see i’m busy?!”
  • “naku naman!! mag-eedit lang hindi mo pa kaya!!! ‘kaw na lang ang mag-edit para hindi sayang sa oras.”
  • “Sir, tinatamad akong pumasok ngayon e…sa bahay na lang ako magi-internet at mag-ge-games…”
  • “Huli kayo! nanonood din pala kayo ng ganyan sa opis ha!”
  • “Sir, lahat ng kelangan niyo nandyan na…kelangan niyo lang tingnan mabuti!”
  • “tsk tsk tsk.. sinabi ko na yan e…hindi ka lang nakinig.”
  • “nagtataka talaga ako kung bakit napunta ka sa puwestong yan.”
  • “Basahin mo muna ang LAHAT ng e-mail messages mo bago mo sabihin na hindi ko pa nagagawa yung pinagawa mo.”
  • “…di po ako bingi at di po INDAY ang pangalan ko!”
  • “Hindi po bottomless pit ang MS Outlook Inbox mo. Talagang titirik ang PC mo kung hindi ka nagde-delete ng e-mail! And yes, 700 messages is already a lot!”
  • “ser, do you feel threatened by my genius?”
  • “I don’t know what your problem is, but i’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.”
  • “I’m not being rude. You’re just really insignificant.”
  • “No, my powers can only be used for good.”
  • “I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.”
  • “It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”
  • “I am always reminded about the initial misconceptions I had about you.”
  • “Thank you, sir. We’re all always refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.”
  • “Ser, pwede ba tantanan mo ko?!”
  • “di yan kasama sa job description ko, ‘no?”
  • “is it your good looks, your family connection or your charming disposition kaya ka andyan sa puwesto mo? because it definitely has nothing to do with your intellect.”
  • “okay lang umabsent ka. it does not really make a dent here in the office.”
  • “mam, don’t expect people to be like you!”
  • “karapatan ko na umuwi na pagpatak ng 5pm. 8 hours lang ibinabayad sa akin! karapatan ko ring mag-absent! karapatan kong masulit ang 1 hour lunch break ko!”

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Sa Aking Pagtanda

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Sa aking pagtanda, unawain mo sana ako at pagpasensyahan. Kapag dala ng kalabuan ng mata ay nakabasag ako ng pinggan o nakatapon ng sabaw sa hapag kainan, huwag mo sana akong kagagalitan. Maramdamin ang isang matanda. Nagse-self-pity ako sa tuwing sisigawan mo ako.

Kapag mahina na ang tenga ko at hindi ko maintindihan ang sinasabi mo, huwag mo naman sana akong sabihan ng “binge!” paki-ulit nalang ang sinabi mo o pakisulat nalang. Pasensya ka na, anak. Matanda na talaga ako.

Kapag mahina na tuhod ko, pagtiyagaan mo sana akong tulungang tumayo, katulad ng pag-aalalay ko sa iyo noong nag-aaral ka pa lamang lumakad.

Pagpasensyahan mo sana ako kung ako man ay nagiging makulit at paulit ulit na parang sirang plaka. Basta pakinggan mo nalang ako. Huwag mo sana akong pagtatawanan o pagsasawaang pakinggan. Natatandaan mo anak noong bata ka pa? Kapag gusto mo ng lobo, paulit-ulit mo ‘yong sasabihin, maghapon kang mangungulit hangga’t hindi mo nakukuha ang gusto mo. Pinagtyagaan ko ang kakulitan mo.

Pagpasensyahan mo na rin sana ang aking amoy. Amoy matanda, amoy lupa. Huwag mo sana akong piliting maligo. Mahina na ang katawan ko. Madaling magkasakit kapag nalamigan, huwag mo sana akong pandirihan.

Natatandaan mo noong bata ka pa? Pinatyagaan kitang habulin sa ilalim ng kama kapag ayaw mong maligo.

Pagpasensyahan mo sana kung madalas, ako’y masungit, dala na marahil ito ng katandaan. Pagtanda mo, maiintindihan mo rin.

Kapag may konti kang panahon, magkwentuhan naman tayo, kahit sandali lang. Inip na ako sa bahay, maghapong nag-iisa. Walang kausap. Alam kong busy ka sa trabaho, subalit nais kong malaman mo na sabik na sabik na akong makakwentuhan ka, kahit alam kong hindi ka interesado sa mga kwento ko. Natatandaan mo anak, noong bata ka pa? Pinagtyagaan kong pakinggan at intindihin ang pautal-utal mong kwento tungkol sa iyong
teddy bear.

At kapag dumating ang sandali na ako’y magkakasakit at maratay sa banig ng karamdaman, huwag mo sana akong pagsawaan alagaan. Pagpasensyahan mo na sana kung ako man ay maihi o madumi sa higaan, pagtyagaan mo sana akong alagaan sa mga huling sandali ng aking buhay. Tutal hindi na naman ako magtatagal.

Kapag dumating ang sandali ng aking pagpanaw, hawakan mo sana ang aking kamay at bigyan mo ako ng lakas ng loob na harapin ang kamatayan.

At huwag kang mag-alala, ipinapanalangin kitang palagi sa Diyos na lumikha, at ang samo ko sa Kanya na pagapalain ka sana … dahil naging mapagmahal ka sa iyong ama’t ina…

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The Dagohoy Story

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It was the first day of school in Washington, DC and a new student named Dagohoy, the son of a Filipino immigrant, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher began, “Let’s review some American history, class. Who said ‘Give me liberty or give me death?'” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Dagohoy’s who had his hand up, “Patrick Henry, 1775.” “Very good,” said the teacher.

“Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people,and for the people shall not perish from the earth'”? Again, no response except from Dagohoy: “Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg, 1863,” he said.

The teacher snaps at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed, Dagohoy who is new to our country knows more about our history than you do.”

She hears a loud whisper from the back: “Screw the Filipinos.” “Who said that?” she demanded. Dagohoy put his hand up. “General John Pershing, Manila, 1896.”

At that point, Jack, another student says, “I’m going to puke.”

The teacher glares and asks, “All right! Now who said that?” Again Dagohoy answers, “George Bush, Sr. to the Japanese Prime Minister during the state dinner, Tokyo, 1991.”

Now furious another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!!” Dagohoy jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher at the top of his voice, “Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, the Oval Office, 1997!!”

Someone shouts, “You little sh*t if you say anything else, I’ll kill you.” Dagohoy yells, “Congressman Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, Washington, D.C., 2001!”

The teacher faints. “I’m outta here!” mutters one student as he sidles to the door. “President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, Baguio City, December 30, 2002!!” Dagohoy responds.

As the class gathers around her on the floor, someone says, “Oh sh*t, now we’re really in big trouble!”

“Saddam Hussein, on the Iraq invasion, Bhagdad, May 2003!” Dagohoy bellowed.

“Now, I really have to run,” Jack mutters, heading for the exit., “Gloria Macapagal Arroyo again, Pampanga, October 4, 2003!!!” Dagohoy shouts triumphantly jumping with glee.

Then a burly African-American boy grabbed Dagohoy and strangled him, about to give a fistful to a frightened Dagohoy.

Then an Asian boy stood up and shouted, “Hey easy on him. I’M A FILIPINO!”

Dagohoy then blurted out before he got socked out, “Fernando Poe, Jr. Manila, January 2004!!!”

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Free Haircut

Medyo nakakatawa na medyo nakakainis…

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There is this good old barber in some city in the United States.

One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies, “I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.”

The florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

The following day, a policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies, “I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.”

The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

On the third day, a Filipino software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies, “I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.”

The Filipino software engineer is happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there…

…a dozen Filipinos waiting for a free haircut!

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